


Burn In Flames

by Lapwing_1835



Series: Countdown [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: A character has mental health issues, Abuse Aftermath, Abuse Flashbacks, And Romance, At least my twisted version of fluff, BDSM, Beautiful Elven Character, But it turns out she's possessed by a demon, By Pyromania And Masochism, Child Abuse, Child Abuse Aftermath, Childhood Trauma, Coping, Coping Mechanisms, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder), Dark, Demon Nobility, Demonic Possession, Dom/sub, Drabble, Drabble Fic (kind of), Elven Nobility, F/F, Fire, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Good demon possession, Happy Ending, Hearing Voices, Holding Hands, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I Ship My Own OCs, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insanity, Lesbian, M/M, Magically Powerful Character, Mental Health Issues, Multi, No the main character doesn't have it, Not Like That, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Plot What Plot, Possession, Possessive Behavior, Pyromania, Rape/non-con aftermath, Romance, Serious Issues Being Dealt With Here, Sexual Content, Shadows - Freeform, Sleeping Together, Sorry about this everybody, Suicidal Thoughts, Threesome - F/F/F, Trauma, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Weirdness, Wow this is messed up, Wow this sounds like such a nice story, and this is fantasy, apparently, because that just has to be a tag, but a character I haven't introduced yet does so, does it count as a threesome if two of the people are in one body?, mine/yours-ness, probably, there can be good demon possession you know, us against the world, who actually isn't that evil, yes it does
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-06-15 17:08:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15417615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lapwing_1835/pseuds/Lapwing_1835
Summary: Lilah was abused most of her life, and was diagnosed with DID when she was seven years old, after hearing a voice in her head. However, a Demon, Kata, has possessed her to protect her and killed her abuser, her father. Her mother blamed it on him. Over a year ago she started having dreams about a fantasy world and a lonely Elven princess. But what happens when she wakes up in the fantasy world?--When her mother beat Juliet for the first time, she smiled. When Katherine told all the kids at school she was weird, unlikable, she smiled. When they hit her, she smiled. When her father told her they hadn't wanted her, they wanted her dead, she smiled. When she burned their house, she cried. She didn't cry for them. They deserved it. She cried for the poor little lost girl who just wanted a friend and a home. The girl they had killed with their abuse. But when she went to the Elven castle, she had a home. When she met the beautiful girl who cut herself and wished for safety, she had a friend. And somewhere inside her, the child that they had killed with their neglect and abuse, was happy.She wasn't a burden, useless. People wanted her. And Lilies smiled for the first time.(I'm useful, I'm useful)





	1. Yours

**Author's Note:**

> So this work will have alternating chapters, from Lilah in the fantasy world, Sieli (the elf) and her life, and flashbacks of both Lilah and Kata's life.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More self-indulgent drabble about mine/yours-ness, brought on by a sudden bought of loneliness. You have been warned.

I'm just Anna. I just want to be kept warm. I always have, but when I was Savannah I didn't know that. But I just want to be warm and protected and taken care of, and Lilies takes care of me and keeps me warm. It's why I love her. And she wants me. No one else wants me. So I want her and I trust her and she keeps me warm.

\--

The first time it occurred to me that my Anna could have been hurt like I had, we were at the parade before the carnival. We had talked, and she had told me about other friends she'd had, friends that had betrayed her. She told me about her parents, and how restricting they were of her, and how angry they had been when she had told them she was bisexual.

They had told her not to tell anyone, as if it was an embarrassing idea. I was glad she trusted me enough to tell me. 

But then she told me that they had hurt her. And she had told me about hurting herself, about seeing needles and just poking them into the skin of her hand.

Just to see what would happen.

That was the first time I thought she might not be the beautiful, petty, girl I first saw. The girl that I thought needed to be owned, that was useful only to break. 

But then I realized I might be wrong. That my Anna might be different then the rest of them, different like I was, that she might want to burn them and run away just as much as I did. 

I had asked her, then, asked her if she could run away, if she would. She said that she used to want to, before me. I liked that she had a Before Lilies time, like I had a Before Anna time, and the thought made me smile. I told her that I would run away with her, if she wanted. She had laughed and talked of other things, but the seed had been planted in my mind.

Or rather, the lighter had been lit.

I thought that she wanted to be kept warm and safe just as I wanted to keep her and take care of her. 

She is my Anna. I take care of her, and she loves me.

\--

I remember my Before Lilies time. I spent a lot of it wishing. 

Wishing before I went to sleep I would wake in a peaceful field, with others. Wishing that I would be carried away by one who would take care of me, worry for me. Wishing I would wake in a bed not my own, a bed of a girl with loving parents and a sister and a girlfriend who took care of her. Wishing I would wake to fire. Wishing I would not wake.

Wishing when I did chores, community service, kind deeds. Wishing that if I made a difference, someone would make a difference for me.

And then wishing I had a friend, reading of people that could protect me, and laying naked before my open window in the dead of night, eyes closed, neck bared, wishing that someone, anyone, would get me out of here. 

Then I had my masks. I would pretend to care for those who would never be there for me. They did the same. I was a petty schoolgirl, while inside I was screaming inside for someone to save me. 

That was all Before Lilies.

There was something about that seemed honest, trustworthy. It felt to me, after I got to know her a bit, that she would kill in a heartbeat but never betray my emotions, gossip, or take me for granted. 

I had met those with this all the way around, and I must say it was a marked improvement. 

She was like a breath of fresh air after so long. 

She burned me, too. But I didn't mind. She took care of me, and I was hers, and if she felt like burning what was hers who was I to judge. After all, I wasn't sticking myself with sewing needles anymore. 

\--

She had fire, then, I found out.

Her mother had almost killed her, and she had been found by elves. I almost laughed at the absurdity of it all but I thought If anyone was to be noticed by elves, it would be Lilies.

Not like me. Not like anyone notices me.

But that doesn't matter now, because I was Lilies's and Lilies wanted me, so it didn't matter what anyone else thought of me.

I didn't care, I really didn't.

I didn't even know what I was supposed to not care about. 

I am Lilies's. That's all that matters. She keeps me warm, and I love her.


	2. A Whole New World

When the world began, there were two types of beings, celestial, and non-celestial. Non-celestial being are like you and me; humans, bears, birds, insects, and so on. Celestial beings were not. They could practice magic and make miracles, and were able to create other living creatures.

However, they were very few in number and reproduced asexually, so the two worlds coexisted peacefully in this Earth. Then everything changed. The celestial learned to create beings like themselves out of a material of which there is an unlimited supply - darkness.

Here were infinite creations of shadows and nothingness, with nothing anyone could do about it. They began to take over the world, forcing all living organisms, celestial and non-celestial alike, to be slaves. When the celestial beings realized what they'd done, they tried to stop them, but it was too late. Their combined magical powers were useless against the beings of nothingness.

All the peoples finally came up with a solution - to trap the darkness organisms in a alternate dimension. The thing was, the celestial beings had to go with. And so both magical creation and creators trapped in another time.

"You're nothing more than a pig living in a slum!"

Madison's words hurt me more than the the stones her friends had thrown that had followed. They formed a circle around me, so I couldn't get away. But Madison can't stop the journeys of mind. As always when this world became too much for my young, depressed, and not so innocent mind, I would soar away from the Earth in my mind and gaze upon the Earth from the stars.

"Would you like some words of encouragement now? Or are you too high and mighty to talk to us, Lilah? Are you having an inward conversation?"

Madison gazed at me with disdain and contempt, hands on hips. I regarded her with what I hoped was a cool expression, my inner turmoil and sadness did not show on my face.

"Yes, I believe I am." I said, surprising both myself and her with that witty response. After a minute, anger followed incredulity on her face.

"You won't get away with that." I felt her breathing on my ear, smelled her breath.

I was not shocked. It smelled like her, somehow, like both her perfectness and her pettiness could be an odor. "I will track you down and make your life a living hell before you go there when you die." She yanked my backpack out of my arms, its contents spilling onto the sidewalk. I said nothing, just turned and ran, cowardly I know, but I couldn't bear her gaze burning me. I just ran and ran, until I forgot I was alive.

\--

I didn't mean to go to school that day.

Normally I didn't, because of Madison and her cronies, who seemed to think I was naught more then a blemish who needed to be removed from this Earth, painfully if possible.

That was all anyone seemed to think. Even if I did go, I would just sit in the library, empty for to go in was to kiss your social life goodbye and hope being ostracized was the least people did.

That was fine with me. People never liked me, so I might as well force myself on the lives on those who had no choice. Books had long been my only companion. I just had to get away from the yells and the silence so I fled to the only solace I knew. However, today I was greeted by the principal, Mrs. Bailey, who apparently was worried about how I had not been in school recently.

Then she gave some speech or another about how difficult it is for children with divorced parents to make friends and how that could lead to depression, especially with my 'condition'. I suppose I should have responded, but my mind was too far away, dwelling on the plight of a woman doctor, in a book I was currently reading.

It was a bad situation, but I enjoyed thinking of others sadnesses more than my own. She seemed to take my silence as careful contemplation, and leaning forward to put her hand on my shoulder, said "Don't worry Lilah, you're among friends here at Elmwood." and giving me what she thought was a reassuring smile, she decided to kill what social life I had, stab it, and bury it six feet under.

"And so, whenever you see Lilah, remember to encourage her to get back out there, because this is a difficult time for her." The principal finished, while I fervently wished to die for the thousandth time.

I went to my seat and wanted to sink thorough the floor. Why did Mrs. Bailey have to talk to the whole class like that? She'd just given perfect Madison a month's worth of ammunition at least. I just couldn't go to school tomorrow, or maybe ever. I just want to be happy.

That's all anyone ever wanted.

I had always been an accident, even from I was born I had been unwanted. My parents wouldn't have been together if I wasn't conceived, but my mother was very Catholic and couldn't afford anyone thinking she had a child before marriage. I think if they could rewind their lives so they never met, they would. My mother could be a nun, and my father would be an affluent business man like he always wanted. No mistakes. That was why my father had done what he had. Now my mother was remarried, not well apparently though, if the yells I heard were anything to go by. Fortunately, my mother was to afraid to lay her hand on me though. She saw what I did to my father. 

But now I just wanted to leave, to run until I could run no more. It seemed that point had come.

I doubled over and tried not to throw up. When the urge had passed, I straightened up and looked around. I was in a part of the city I'd never seen before. I didn't mind. If I had stopped to think about what I was doing, I would have panicked and gone back to my house, but as it was a sort of apathy had come over me, and I found myself uncaring. In front of me I saw a small patch of woodland. I decided now would be a good time as any, and I walked in.

Interestingly enough, as soon as I stepped into the forest, the sounds of the city faded and I felt peaceful and content.

I walked until I came to a small clearing, with a tree which had a niche perfect for leaning. I closed my eyes and smiled for the first time in years. I could have stood there forever.

"Are you going to tell me what you are doing in my forest, or are you going to stand there with your eyes closed for the rest of your life?"


	3. Who Are You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know you have writers block when you organize all your notes and start translating things in French. ;) And yes, I finally got this up, at 12:29 am, and yes, it's only 649 words but shh! Anyway, thank you <3

It was the seventh night in a row that Lilah had dreamed of the Elven princess. 

The girl's name was Sieli. Lilah had found out after the princess had been called to dinner by one of her servants and had slapped the servant in the face for not calling her 'your highness' and insisted dinner be brought to her in her rooms. 

Lilah would have hated the girl for her rudeness and think she should be glad she had servants at all, but she had seen the girl when her father had taught her they were better then servants, when he had hit her for comforting a crying child servant, not accustomed to the work, and when he had denied her almost all food for a week when she failed a test given her by her tutors, so Lilah didn't judge the girl too harshly. 

Not when she was trying desperately to live up to expectations she had to fulfill. 

The girl was smart, too. Not enough to satisfy her father, a fact Lilah could definitely relate to, but intelligent nonetheless. 

It seemed the world Sieli lived in was populated by many species, some as intelligent or more than humans. There were humans though. Sieli lived on a continent called Ghislia but there were others with more humans. Lilah knew because a human ambassador had been to court once and her father had made Sieli come down to show her off. 

The elves were in charge in this part of the continent, mostly ruling everyone else. They still had kings and a feudal system, but other then that, to Lilah it seemed like the world was just the same as hers. 

Oh, and there was magic. And everyone talked like they were in an adventure game. 

Lilah didn't know much about fantasy games (read, friendless, internetless, abused child) but she knew enough that normal people didn't have adventurers guilds were people would fight monsters.

So the fantasy world with the beautiful princess (did she say beautiful? No she didn't) was a wonderful and interesting escape from the world where Lilah's mother was afraid of and didn't care about her, she went to useless weekly therapy sessions, she had periodic blackouts, and was bullied. 

\--

That day for Sieli Estrela started like any other. She woke up, had an obscure sensation of being watched, and went to take a shower to hope that when she got to the breakfast table she wouldn't completely look like the living dead. (Or the living in a dead body, but that was another matter) 

The watching sensation was strange. It didn't feel cold, like her father did. Sieli had the inborn magical ability to detect other's auras. What they felt like, or exuded. But the watching felt different, friendly. It was soothing, rather like being protected. 

Sieli never felt like she was being protected. Which was why she had found herself apologizing to a servant she had struck, trying to live up to her father, making sure he wasn't watching her, when she felt the cool disapproval of the watcher. 

Even the disapproval was nice though, Sieli mused, as she splashed her face with cold water. It had felt like someone cared. 

After a breakfast with her father, the best of which can be considered she left with no bruises and a full stomach, she went outside to her favorite clearing in a wood. 

She privately considered the grove her wood, despite the fact it technically belonged to him. No one else went in there, and no bad memories were made, so it was nice. 

That was also the reason she felt rather affronted when she saw the girl leaning against her favorite tree. The girl had a comforting, strange, and somewhat familiar aura, but this was her forest. And so, she asked, the girl, what in the world she was doing in her forest.


	4. Fire Lilies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story of a girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I love living, life is wonderful. I am tired, you know? But I was like, why not post a random chapter on this fic? Anyway, I love Lilies, she'll come into the story later.

My name is Lilies. Of course, Lilies was not my original name, the name my parents gave me.

But I don't care about them, and I see no reason why I should stick to the name they gave me when there is a much better one that I chose for myself. 

A few things to know about me:

1\. I love Fire. If I could I would set the whole world on fire. But that would be hard to do, and anyway, if the whole world was on fire, it would be hard to grow Lilies. So I don't.   
2\. I went to a school when I was young. I was different then. It was before the elves gave me fire. The girl I was, Juliet, was bullied. But it helped me discover Fire, so I'm not complaining.  
3\. I only care about one person. You will have to find out about her later. She is mine.  
4\. When I was Juliet, I had blond hair, which I used to wear in a braid, and blue eyes. My name was Juliet. Now I am Lilies. I have hazel eyes and red hair. I am Lilies.

In My School.

Year One:

My first friends were Abby and Alana. My first memory of them, though I'm sure I encountered them before then, was when I was sitting in the back of the room. They entered the classroom, and it seemed to me like there was a kind of glow about them.

\--

We became friends right away. I remember feeling protective of Alana. She was nice, but she moved away after first year. Abby tried to control me though. Tell me what to do. I don't think I would mind now, but I minded then.

\--

Second year was much better. I met a girl named Caitlin. We became very good friends. Me, Caitlin, and Abby were a trio. Caitlin was in my class. She was my best friend. 

I was bullied at first by a boy named Jason. But then I would rile him up, and tell the teacher he was bullying me. 

\--

Third year was worse. Abby and Caitlin were in the same class. They became very good friends. I didn't like it. 

\--

In forth year we were all in the same class.

\--

In fifth year Caitlin left. She transferred to a different school. I was equally annoyed and happy. Annoyed, because Caitlin was leaving and might make some friends that weren't me, but happy because I thought I would have Abby all to myself. Oh, how wrong I was.

A pair of girls, perfect together, transferred that year. They're names were Tessa and Rachel. Tessa caught the eye of Abby, and she tried to befriend her. 

Of course, Rachel felt threatened, and tried to make Tessa leave Abby alone, threatening the loss of her friendship. The two girls didn't care, becoming close. Me and Rachel, left on the outskirts, developed a relationship, though I still cared about Abby. 

Tessa still cared about Rachel I think, and they were perfect together, one blond, one dark-haired and dark-skinned.

\--

The next year Tessa transferred. Abby was almost gone from my life, in a different classroom. In my absence she became close with two other girls, Sophia and Katherine. 

Me and Rachel were very happy with each other. Looking back, Rachel was mean sometimes, threatening me with her friendship. Sometimes I still feel like I would do anything for her. 

Me and Caitlin still got together sometimes, and I always treasured those moments. Even as I was jealous as she talked of her friends Michael and Grace. She was very good at making up stories, and some of that summer was spent navigating her pond, laughing.

The rest of the time was spent swimming in the pool with Rachel. 

\--

In Seventh year we went to a different school. Caitlin was back and reunited with Abby. Tessa and Rachel were friends again as well. I tried to split my time between them, but I didn't succeed. I remember wishing I was Tessa, wishing Rachel could want me as she wanted her. 

Tessa left Rachel for other friends, and Rachel stayed with her friends on the swim team. It was a pity. As much as I wanted Rachel as my friend, they were perfect. 

Abby left Caitlin and I for other friends, the same people Tessa was with. I think they're friends now. Me and Caitlin continued to be friends, though I couldn't easily forgive her for the times she chose Abby over me.

She didn't sit with her friends she made at the other school. She sat with Abby's friends, Katherine and Sophia. And me.

That was when I met Savannah. She was beautiful, right from the start. She was Katherine's friend from the other school. 

\--

In the beginning of the next year I had few allies. Caitlin cared little about me, and the other three hardly thought about me. Katherine was a gossip, spreading rumors about me. 

Me and my beautiful Savannah were friends though. She cared about Katherine and Sophia, but it didn't matter. I had my friend. 

She confessed to me that Katherine was gay. I kept the secret. It wasn't hard when I had no one to tell. 

Then she told me Katherine had asked her out. She told me she was straight and not interested at the time, but I know she was lying and they had been dating. Fortunately, they had broken up before I had found out. 

The first time we got together outside of school was shopping. It was lovely. We went to a few stores in downtown and then went to get Pizza. 

The second time was at a carnival. We were supposed to meet Katherine and Caitlin, but we went off on our own, a fact I was very happy with. I got her all to myself. That night she confessed she was bisexual and I the same. It was peaceful that night. That was when I started calling her Anna.

She was finally mine two days before the end of the year. We had talked. She had told me she liked me. I had said the same. I had said that if we both liked each other we could date or something. We had both blabbered for about five minutes before she asked me to be her girlfriend. 

\--

That summer my mothers abuse went to another level. She had beat me badly, almost killing me. I had accepted the dark way my mind and love worked. I had run, and found the elves. They gave me fire, and I burned down the house. I ran away with Anna. She truly was beautiful. And all mine. 

That was when I took my name Lilies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Hi! Hi!


	5. Boy Like Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once there was a boy. He was not a nice boy. At least, that's what you said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone who's not reading this! So look at me, I'm writing another chapter. I should really stop introducing characters, but whatever. Anyway, thank you for reading! ;)

Once there was a boy. He was a useless, lazy, unwanted, good-for-nothing, ungrateful, selfish, burden.

Once there was a boy. He was sad, lonely, cold, hungry, insulted, abused, different, alone. 

They were the same boy.

There was another boy. He was pampered, spoiled, churlish, ungrateful, useless, mean, petty.

There was another boy. He was sad, lonely, cold, hungry, insulted, abused, different, alone.

Both boys were alone, in their worlds, in their thoughts, in their heads. 

Neither would ever think another would be like them.

\--

The boy whose parents named Luke was walking around the school. This was probably not a wise idea, considering that there was a curfew and patrols and if he was caught out of bed again the school would notify his father who would give him that cold disapproving stare, the stars that told him he was nothing, would never amount to anything, that he was useless. It almost gutted him, almost hurt more then when his father slapped him. Not that he didn't do that too.

In any case, the boy called Luke was wandering around the school. 

I want to be warm.

I want someone to love me.

I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I promise I won't do it again.

"Do you really think I should forgive you?" 

I don't know, I don't know anything, I need it, I need you please love me I don't mean it I won't do it again I don't know what I did I'm sorrysorry. 

"No, I don't think I will forgive you, because you'll do it again. I'm tired of it."

Please.

I just want

I just want

What do I want?

I just

I just

I...

I...

...

\--

The boy whose parents called Ryan but was more commonly called Boy, Burden, Useless, by his godmother's husband and twin sons was wandering the school. He had a nightmare and wanted to clear it out of his head. Sure, if he got caught he might get detention, but they wouldn't expel him for being out after curfew since he got such good grades. 

He suddenly noticed there was a boy sitting curled against the wall about ten feet from where he was standing. 

The boy occasionally called Ryan looked at the boy and knew. He knew the boy because he knew what the boy was doing. He knew the boy had been crying but had stopped, but not because he wanted to, but because he had to because his throat had given out and he had been forced to make pathetic little murmures because he had to stop crying but he couldn't, couldn't because evolution told him to cry out for caretakers that never came. 

The boy called Ryan sat next to the boy called Luke. He rolled up his sleeve to show the scars there.

"Boy like me?" He asked. The boy looked up, and stared at his forearm in wonderment. He moved his eyes up to the boy called Ryan's. 

"Boy like you."


	6. I Was Dead (or black like ashes)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I survived because the fire inside me burns brighter then the fire around me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi so I love writing this and my girlfriend broke up with me so I'm writing relationship fluff (because yes this is my definition of fluff) and I hate y'all astrophobic puffballs! :'(

I lay on my bed. That might sound like a nice sentence to you, but it wasn't a nice sentence to me. I really had to get out of here. I had risked it, mouthing her off I guess that's what she called it. I couldn't run away, I had tried before believe me I tried. One time I was nine and my mother had put an alarm on the front door without my knowledge. That was...not fun.

Please, please just get me out of here. I know I need to be strong, strong for my Anna, strong so I could survive and take her, mother though that word is so far removed from her it hardly deserves that title, to hell with me. 

Please let me leave this hell.

Suddenly my hands lit on fire. I would have thought it would hurt me, but it didn't, it really didn't. It was warm, gentle, entrancing. I gazed into the gentle flame and it spread up my arms, leaving a soothing sensation in it's wake. I wondered if I was delusional now, more insane then I had been for no sane person could call me insane. Maybe an insane person could. Alas, I knew no openly insane people so I would have to judge for myself.

The Fire traveled my body down my legs and torso. It burned but it made the pain go away. That was nice. Finally the fire went over my eyes, and everything went black like ashes. 

\--

When I awoke I was still laying in my bed, but I felt different. I knew I was different then what I had been. As an experiment, I held out my palm, willing the beautiful Fire to appear. It did. I smiled then. I smiled because the Fire was there and no one would ever hurt me again. Because they didn't get on my good side before and they broke me but I was oh so beautifully broken. 

They can't fix me, they can't hurt me, they can't heal me. Not anymore.

I went downstairs, heedless of sounds I might make. It would matter not. And as if an afterthought, I tossed sparks among the house, the house I hated. I paused on the street, paused to watch the beautiful Fire against the pitch-Black night. And I cried.

I cried because I was dead, and had never felt more alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I'm gonna cry in a hole somewhere because it's fun and I like holes.
> 
> PS: How do you know other people are like you? How do you know they're real? I wouldn't know, I've never been anyone else.


	7. Elves Introduced (also know as how Lilah met Lilies)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So yes, we finally come back to the story we had in the beginning. And I think I might have a plot here? Maybe?

I love my hair. When I was Juliet I had golden blond wavy hair. I really didn't like it. My mother loved it, it was one of the only things she liked about me, back when she still cared about me as someone I wasn't. 

I used to wear it in braids, for two reasons. One, too annoy my mother. Perhaps not the smartest idea, but satisfying. Two, because it was different. No one else wore braids, at least not until my Anna copied me. That was a happy day. After all, when they define you, sometimes you have to accept it.

But now I love my hair. It's deep red, like fire against the night. Straight, down to my chin, my hazel eyes like forests and trees. 

I was thinking this as I looked into the mirror provided for me and Anna in the bedroom the Elven woman had provided for us. After I had burned the house I had run, in seemingly no time at all, to my Anna's. She was there outside, waiting for me. As if she knew. I didn't even have to ask her.

Then the Queen had been there, beautiful, the embodiment of all things elemental, somehow Fire, Earth, Air, Water all in one. She had known I was there. I had known she was the one who had given me my Fire. 

Anna had stayed by my side the whole time, eyes sometimes closed, sometimes open, trusting. 

She knew who she belongs to.

I stopped my reflection and awakened Anna. My clothes were somewhat ashy, and a bit bloody besides, but it couldn't be helped. My Anna awoke, looked into my eyes, smiled at me.

"Your eyes look like they're supposed to now." 

"So do yours." I replied. It was true. Her eyes, previously a light brown, were somehow darker, richer, more trusting, but altogether older too. The rest of her was unchanged, though. I think it is because there is no way to make my Anna more beautiful.

"Are you glad we left?" I ask quietly, brushing my knuckles along her cheek then gently threading my fingers through her hair. She smiled again. Actually, no, she had been smiling softly this whole time and her smile simply widened at that moment.

"Yeah, I am." 

We got out of the bed, and I padded down to the remembered route I took last night to a place I might see someone. I heard the sounds of quiet voices, and I entered what seemed to be a dining hall just in time to see a beauty like her mother and another girl kiss.

\--

Kata's POV:

It had been about two weeks since Lilah had met the Elven Princess. After the initial stutter in the clearing, Sieli had talked with us through Lilah and then taken us to see her mother, a lovely woman, who was very kind to us. 

She was very beautiful. If I hadn't already had eyes for her daughter, and the woman wasn't married, I'm sure I would have tried something. Like jump her. I thought she might have an allure or something.

I hadn't actually met Sieli in person until just now. I hadn't actually had much interest in it, but it turned out we had a large part of our personality in common.

Being the heir to a family and trying desperately to live up to expectations you don't care about. She was actually quite interesting, though I could tell that Lilah didn't think so. I could hear her yawning in the back of my head. 

The night before Sieli's mother had brought in two girls. She had said something about sleep and Fire. I didn't hear the rest, considering Lilah was kissing Sieli passionately at the time. That kind of thing tends to distract one. 

The kissing passionately thing was happening again this morning, at least until we heard a cough from the doorway.

Rude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm sorry but I can't get those end notes to stop ;) Anyway you can just ignore them now.  
> PS: I am so totally gonna regret not sleeping in the morning. :D


	8. Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was different, this pain. It was as if the other pain had numbed me, taken me far away from my unclean, hideous, ungrateful body, and this pain was purifying it in the way that only it's owner could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now this chapter is basically feels, and Anna is basically me except without the Lilies to save me. So yeah. I love writing this, and by the way if you are reading these words you are making me happy and I love you and I send you kudos.  
> PS: I hold nothing against Christians and Catholics. If your religion makes you happy, I'm happy with that. However, I felt like I wanted to use Cristianity as an example here based on my own experiences and the fact that I think a few homophobes or others might use religion to discriminate. I apologize if anyone was offended.

Savannah thought that she wanted her mother to die. 

Of course, she wouldn't kill her because she might fail or get in trouble, and despite the fact that both prison and mental institutions were things that interest me, I was too scared and hopeful and sane to go to one now.

But you know, if I had been given the choice, I would want her to die. Just go to sleep and never wake up, the way I wished that I would do.

I'm such a fool. An innocent, ridiculous fool. I'm nothing. I don't know anything about the real world. There's no way anyone would want me. No one, ever. 

Everyone else has it so much worse then me. My life is perfect. I have a loving father and mother. They've never even hit me, only slapped me occasionally. I've never felt pain! I have food all the time, loving parents, loving friends. Parents would die to have their offspring in my place. 

To want something more than my perfect, glorious, wonderful life that I got by sheer luck makes me an ungrateful, churlish, spoiled brat. 

To want my loving mother to die makes me evil. And sure, I don't believe in 'evil' but that's just because I'm innocent and make hideous assumptions about the world without knowing everything about it. I think I'm the best. I think I know everything.

I know nothing.

I used to dream about a savior, back before I never dreamed of anything better then my current situation for fear the guilt would swallow me whole.

I would dream of a girl, red hair hazel eyes, that laughed and smiled at me and held my hand. A friend. One who wanted me.

A savior. 

The idea of needles came to me almost by accident.

It was a sewing needle. My mother had got out her sewing kit and was talking about project she wasn't ever going to do. I had grabbed one. I don't know why.

I had been in my room. I had experimented with the needle. Putting it through papers, sewing what it went through and what it didn't.

I traced the outline of my hand.

I started with the top of my arm. It was winter, so I would be wearing long sleeves anyways. I was sure I wouldn't scar. 

It penetrated the skin. I watched almost in a trance as the needle drew a thin line on my arm, as blood began to bleed. I could feel the pain, of course, but it felt different then when I had gotten shots or my mother had slapped me.

It felt like it wasn't my pain, like I was separated from it and that it had no relation to what the needle was doing. As if it wasn't my arm the needle was hurting. 

I went to the bathroom and washed the cut. I put the needle in a safe place in my room. I spent the rest of the day numb.

This was pain I could control.

This pain was mine.

\--

Then, of course, about a year after that first instance, my savior came. Her name wasn't Lilies then, just like my name wasn't Anna, but I could recognize my savior anywhere. Of course I could. 

I had told Lilies, indirectly, about the needles. About my mother. She told me about hers. We were both ungrateful, churlish, spoiled brats.

We would be grateful to each other. 

She hadn't gone to my house. I had gone to the village. Said I was meeting a friend. Hadn't said which one.

She had seen me, grabbed my hand as if she owned it, as if she had a right to it, just like my mother had done, except Lilies would never hurt me or betray my trust and I wanted her to hold my hand and comfort me and she understood it was a privilege, not an entitlement. 

My mother believes children should honor thy father and mother.

My mother believes children should be seen and not heard. 

She cares a lot about white, heterosexual, Catholic, good children. 

Grateful children who would die for their parents.

Lilies had taken me behind another shop, and taken out a needle. I watched her.

She held the needle to my skin, and watched the beads of red trickle down. 

It was different, this pain. It was as if the other pain had numbed me, taken me far away from my unclean, hideous, ungrateful body, and this pain was purifying it in the way that only it's owner could do.

Only in the way Lilies could do.

Lilies told me that I was right. That I wasn't better then anyone else, just different, and that everyone else was different too.

But Lilies and I are the same, because both our bodies are owned by Lilies.

I was so cold before. Cold and tired and small. And now I'm warm and I can sleep because I'm safe now.

I'm safe now.


	9. Free Of The Shackles (our wrists are still chafed)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, I just realized something. Lilies and Anna are literally just embodiments of my moods, poor little abused sociopath and poor little lonely kitten, respectively. :D But Lilies got to fight back and Anna got claimed. So.  
> And another update! I might actually make it to ten chapters!  
> -Lapwing  
> PS: Love you guys! :D

The first time I came Out (no, not like that, I've been completely lesbian since I was born, no hiding it, Out in the way I possessed my lovely Lilah's body in order to assess our surroundings) I was shocked by the elvish castle.

I suppose the most prominent reason was that it reminded me way too much as my childhood 'home'. The other was all the expensive rock lying around.

I had designed my mental scape as rugged as possible as a rebellion, and as a result I had not prepared my eyes for the gleaming surfaces. 

It was not pleasant, to say the least. Neither was my life before now. It left me without a body, so you can imagine.

I tuned out the whirlwind of thoughts and focused on the girl in front of me.

First of all, an unbiased straight observer would be able to say she was pretty. The useless lesbian part of my brain couldn't string two sentences together. 

Fortunately the professional royalty part of my brain was well versed in maintaining my cool when faced with beautiful girls, so I said a polite, "Hello. It's nice to meet you." I smiled at her and held out my hand.

She shook it and smiled back. (At this point my lesbian brain was babbling incoherently, something about omigod she held my hand I touched her hand wow she smiled at me do you thinks she likes me oh god she is so pretty ;) or at least something like that) 

"My name is Sieli, of House Isala, it's nice to meet you too." 

And thus began the epic romance. 

\--

When they hurt me, part of me wanted to kill them, kill all of them, kill everyone for hurting me, for killing me, for letting them hurt me.

And then part of me wanted to kill myself because they were right, because I was an ungrateful brat who should be happy with what they saw fit to give me because they were right, of course they were right, everyone was always right and I was always wrong. I should kill myself and save them the trouble of having to look after an ungrateful brat like me.

I thought I had found the perfect solution. 

Burn the world then burn myself.

I hadn't factored in the other girls who hid, hid because they were nothereneverherepleasedonthurtme, the girls who wanted to kill them and then themselves if they could, if they had Fire. 

I never thought that someone else could be like me, that someone else could want to burn them and kill themselves as much as I did. 

That there could be someone else, that everyone wasn't just them, that there could be others.

The difference between me and Anna, was that I knew they were wrong, I knew they weren't fit to lick my boots, and she still thought that the only place she belonged was under their feet, a place that had been beaten into her with words far sharper then the fists my mother had hit me with. 

But we would never hurt each other, never would burn each other, we would burn everyone that hurt us and save ourselves, burn the whole world down to the ground then plant lilies in the ashes.

\--

The House made me shudder. It brought back far too many memories of my old house, of the house from my childhood, the house I swore I would never go back to. 

This world, the new world that Lilah had somehow found, reminded me far to much of the world I left behind. 

Sieli's father reminded me far to much of my own. 

At this point Sieli was leading me, or rather me as Lilah, on a tour of the house.

The mansion was extremely disconcerting. One time I saw a statue that my father had in his hall out of the corner of my eye.

Winking at me as it used to do.

Smiling smugly as it used to do.

Enchanted, hitting me as my father watched.

Not there not there not now.

The bathroom door in the hall. Not the public bathroom, for all visitors to the manor, but for guests without an individual bathroom in their room, but still important enough to reside on the East Wing.

I remember.

My father holding me down in the tub, razor blades skating across my wrists, me not fighting him, never fighting him, never.

I feel Lilah's, my, wrists. Smooth, perfect, I dig my fingernails in, letting my pain bring me back. 

I'm not there, I fought back, he's dead he's gone I'm not there. I'm in a different house, different time. 

I look around, trying to find a difference and listen to Sieli's voice. My eyes alight on a lamp. 

My father didn't hold with imported technology. I stare at the lamp. Sieli notices and starts telling me it was imported from Peru two years ago. 

I let myself live in her voice.

I pull Lilah's sleeves down self consciously, even as I am aware that Lilah has no scars. Not on her wrists, anyways. 

I had none but on my wrists. With magic, you could erase all marks, or stop scars from forming. That time had been unusual, as in he had used non-magical mean, and had also never erased the scars.

I never asked why.


	10. Closer (closer)

Savannah ~~

Why am I here

I can't do this.

I don't know anything.

I'm sitting in church listening to the priest talk about addictions, and wanting, and spirituality, and being a good person and I can't do this.

I don't like this place

I want to go home

There is so much, so much in life and I have no idea, no idea what there is.

Everything is confusing 

There is so much.

Why

Where is the center?

I want to die

Why am I doing this?

Why can't I live

Who am I?

What can I remember?

I'm not feeling well

Why should I be happy

I hate this place 

I'm going to be sick

I remember

I need to 

Why do people

Everything hurts

I should die

Why does everyone hate death

I don't know  
What do I know? How can I do this? I don't know anything. I just want to go to sleep. And never wake up. This is useless. We should all just die. I can't do anything. I want someone to hold me. I want to go away from here. I want someone to comfort me. But no one can comfort me. I can't do anything. I don't deserve their comfort. I can't do anything right. I wouldn't be good. I'm worthless. I'm hurting everyone around me and pretending I don't care. Or that I'm not hurting them. It's like I'm begging for someone to hug me and then I punch them when they do. This is why I want to go away. But I'd prolly fail even at that. I should just die. But who knows. In any case, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm myself. 

It's all pointless.

I don't care I just want to die.

I don't want to think, it brings up bad memories.

I don't want to do anything.

Why can't I just die?

Why can't I just go to sleep and never wake up? 

Juliet doesn't like me.

Olivia...well I don't know it's pointless.

And I'm useless I can't do anything I don't know

I'm just going to go to sleep and wake up and go to sleep and wake up and go to sleep and wake up and go to sleep and wake up and it's all pointless I don't care. 

I don't care what anyone else says.

I just want to leave this twisted place.

\--

Lilies ~~

I went to school.

Well, to be more accurate, I woke up, for no apparent reason (no, it wasn't my mother screaming, why do you ask?) at four am which was rather annoying. 

Also, my Anna looked down on Friday, which made me sad.

And, it was a Monday. Enough said.  
(Well actually I like school days better because I spend less time with my mother. But, not important.)

All in all, I was not in a very good mood. 

I have first period with my Anna, and she looked even more upset than yesterday. 

I would talk to her during lunch.

\--

Savannah ~~

I could feel Juliet looking at me. 

I wanted to skip lunch. I was avoiding Juliet, because she didn't like me, and I was fat enough already. 

Juliet didn't let me, and intercepted me as I was walking to the bathroom. I changed course and headed to the cafeteria. It wasn't like I was going to let her follow me into the restroom.

I almost smiled at the thought that she totally would, before I remembered she probably didn't care about me anyway, and that in any case I didn't care.

"You seem sad."

I didn't respond. I was waiting.

Waiting for the words people said after. 

Words like

"I have a hard life too."

"Stop focusing so much on yourself."

"Don't be so ungrateful."

Instead Juliet looked at me. "I like your fake smile. It looks a lot like my own. But I like your real smile better."

That wasn't something I knew how to respond to. 

She grabbed my hand, tracing light circles over my palm.

It was nice. No one ever felt like they cared about me.

More about the part of themselves that I was.

"I think I want to die."

I don't know why I said it. It's just that I was never safe, and I could never trust anyone, and no one ever comforted me like Juliet did. 

For a brief moment she seemed like she might be angry, but her expression changed into something like realization.

"Well, that's okay. We all want to die sometimes. You just have to remember that you can't."

Juliet smiled at me, but there was something about the way she spoke that drew my attention.

"Why can't I die?" I asked quietly.

"Because you're mine now. I don't let those of mine be hurt."

Strangely enough, I found that comforting. 

It was different with her than my mother. My mother considered me hers because I was born to her. Juliet considered me hers because I gave myself to her. Because I begged in the dark and she was the light that saved me.

I didn't have to trust myself now. 

None of it matters.

Because now, I have someone who can tell me what the center is. And right now, it's following my Lilies.


	11. Mine

Anna is mine. Of course she is. There is no one else she would belong to.

But still, it is nice. Nice to be trusted, needed, wanted. She trusts me, and so I take care of her like no one ever took care of me, and she needs me like no one else has ever needed me. 

She is so small and cold, my Anna. Much less so than when she was Savannah, though.

Back then she was shivering all the time, just wanting warmth, someone to hold her. She was so small, to. Of course, she is still small, so small, but not at all like she was. My Anna is happy now. I take good care of her. Of what is mine. Of my little girl. The little girl that I never was.

Anna has black hair, falls to her ribs. Her shoulders and wrists are so tiny, her wrists in my hands, my arms around her. Around my baby, my Anna. 

\--

I am cold and shadow, defined by the absence of something else, someone else, you.

But I am warmth and light, surrounded by you, for you are warm and bright, Fire. 

"Me-mine."  
"You-yours."

\--

I remember before I knew Anna was broken. Before I knew I had to fix her.

I had looked at her, thought about her, thought about breaking the petty girl that only cared about gossip and makeup.

The girl that had hurt me.

I had wanted her.

But then she told me. She told me about hurting herself, about what her mother told her she was.

And I realized something.

I had wanted to break her, but damned if I was going to let my Anna be broken by someone else.

My Anna is special. 

Because she wants me. No one wants me.

And because she was the first. The person who made me realize that others are hurt.

That there are other girls who hide in closets and beg the shadows to take them away, that theyve had enough of this world.

The first person who made me realize that other people could be like me.

\--

"Good morning." I smile as Anna sits up and groggily rubs at her eyes. Only two weeks at this castle and we've already got a routine.

I typically wake up first and brush my hair, shower, get dressed, then I wake up Anna, comb her hair, and she showers and she gets dressed. 

I burned all my clothes, just as well, for my mother got a perverse pleasure in buying me the most hideous, cheapest, clothes and then telling me I 'should be grateful' and slapping me for backtalk if I didn't thank her. 

And then Anna left all her clothes at Savannah's house, so we both had no clothes except the ones we were wearing. Fortunately, we weren't taken in by an Elf Queen for nothing. 

She had told me that she saw I had potential, and had given me my fire, and would teach me how to control it while here. She was planning to blood adopt me, making me effectively the half-sister of her daughter, Sieli. 

The thing about the Elves, I don't pretend to know much about it; but from what she told me Sieli was her father's heir, and her second-born would have been hers, if not for complications with the birth that would make another pregnancy very difficult, of not fatal.

Then, she had turned to the human world, and decided to take as heir one of the humans who caught her fancy. It turned out I was that lucky individual. 

And I had, of course, been allowed to bring my claimed.

In any case, she was now teaching me to control my power, after breakfast, which had me, my Anna, Sieli, and another girl sometimes called Lilah and sometimes called Kata.

Before that though, Anna would awaken, often with a kiss from me, by drowsily rubbing her eyes and wearing a pair of my pajamas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, thank you for reading, of you are seeing this I love you. :D

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So, to clear up any confusion, here are the characters:
> 
> Lilah: A teen girl whose parents had a bad marriage and whose father abused her. She killed her father but her mother has carried on emotional abuse and neglect, though has not dared to lay a hand on her. 
> 
> Kata: A Demon possessing Lilah to protect her. She killed her father.
> 
> Sieli: An Elf who has pressure and dislikes the role she is in. She will meet Lilah.
> 
> Lilies (formerly Juliet): Pyromaniac girl who was abused and bullied, her only source of comfort is her girl Anna. Has run away to the Elves.
> 
> Anna (formerly Savannah): A lonely girl who now belongs to Lilies. Totally my spirit animal.
> 
> Luke (named by his parents)
> 
> Ryan (named by others)
> 
> Thank you for reading! :D
> 
> PS: My character, Lilies, is a pyromaniac. I don't think I am a pyromaniac, though I have read many stories of them. Because of that, I feel comfortable developing this character, though if anyone out there feels as though they have more experience or I am portraying something wrongly, please tell me. I wouldn't want to offend anyone.


End file.
